It seemed like a good idea at the time...
by Punk Quistis Trepe
Summary: I do something mean and everyone goes a bit crazy. Not my best work...I suggest you try to kill me before I write more... I've rated it R cuz I'm scared...
1. Lookie! I'm a prettyfull evil fariy! Als...

…Don't hate me too much…I guess…Ah what the hell…I don't care. Laugh a little. Hate it, love it, review it, flame it, come to my house and kill me. I don't care. This is the prologue and chapter one. I'm too lazy to put it in two separate parts…sue me. Literally. Take my money. I hate it. I'll eat it…what was I doing again? Oh yes! The story.  
  
It seemed like a good idea at the time…  
Prologue-Lookie! I'm a prettyfull evil fairy!  
  
She skipped down the dark abandon halls of Balamb Garden, an evil plan locked inside her sick twisted mind. Her pink curly hair dangling below her ears, barely revealing the two safety pins used for a cheap, yet fun, substitute for earrings. She pulled out a large shiny object and walked into a room. There they were…Squall Leonheart and Rinoa Heartilly, asleep next to each other. She walked up next to them and raised the object above her head. Grinning, she brought it down on Squall's head, then did the same to Rinoa. A loud clanging noise rang throughout the room. Se pulled out a notepad and a fuzzy green pen. She crossed off the last two names on the list. Giggling, she twirled around, letting her pink tutu spin in the air while also throwing her hands above her head. And she said…  
  
????-"I'M PQT AND I'M A PRETTYFULL EVIL FAIRY!" Laughing evilly, she skipped out waving her shiny object…which was really a frying pan around in the air. With what goes on in her mind…god save us all…  
(I'm talking about myself…I'm really messed up…)  
  
Chapter one-Is it just me or did Rinoa eat someone?  
  
Quistis paced back and forth through-out the classroom in a quite seductive manor. She had seemed to change from what she was like the day before. She had shortened her shirt a bit and was bending down at any chance she got…people liked it.  
  
Quistis-"Alright. I will pass out this test. Do it quickly and I will give you pleasure…"(Dude Where's my Car moment…) Zell raises his hand.  
  
Zell-"How many Chocobos where killed in the making of this test?"  
  
Quistis-"Uh…none…"  
  
Zell-"How about Moogles?"  
  
Quistis-"No…"  
  
Zell-"I think you're lying to me!"  
  
Quistis-"SHUT UP!"  
  
Zell-"Make me!"  
  
Quistis-"Ok…if you insist…"  
  
Zell-"WAIT! NO! I'll be quiet…please don't hurt me…" Zell was wearing a tie-dyed tee-shit and had several different colored beads around his neck.  
  
Me-"The hippies are back dammit…"  
  
Quistis rolled her eyes. Being a wuss was a turn off…Passing the test out, she failed to notice everyone else has seemed to have gone nuts. Selphie had given up her yellow dress and was now wearing black, including black contacts and she had even dyed her hair black. (My hair's pink…) Irvine looked the same and it was the same with Rinoa…but Squall was…GASP! (Looks around) SMILING!  
  
Zell suddenly jumped up and ripped the test in half.  
  
Zell-"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME!!!! MURDERERS!!!!" He ran out crying, almost knocking over Seifer Fujin and Rajin, who were wearing their new parkas.  
  
Quistis-"You three are late…" She pulled out her whip. "You now have detention where I will discipline you…"  
  
Irvine-"I broke his pencil! Does that deserve a detention?"  
  
Quistis-"Yes…"  
  
Seifer-"I have an announcement! We are no longer the disciplinary committee…or a posse. We are the Parka Mafia!!"  
  
Rajin-"We are ya know! We're gonna kill ya…with kindness!"  
  
Quistis-"Oh damn…I like it rough…" Irvine jumped out from his seat, raising his hand.  
  
Irvine-"Oh Quisty! I need some…'help'" She grinned.  
  
Quistis-"Good…come to my desk. Squall take over. I'll just be gone for five minutes…" He followed her up to her desk, then the two went under it as Squall came to the front of the class.  
  
Squall-"…HI EVERYONE! It's a beautiful day! YOU!" He pointed to a male student. "Read question number one."  
  
Student #1-"It says, 'Would you have sex with me, Quistis, for money?'"  
  
Squall-"Who said yes?" Half the class raised their hand. "Who said no?" The other half raised their hand…except for Selphie. "What did you put Selphie?"  
  
Selphie-"SATAN SPEAKS FOR ME!!!!" She looked around, pulling a knife out of her pocket. "A sacrifice!"  
  
Student next to Selphie-"Eek!!" Selphie began stabbing her neighbor as Zell re-entered.  
  
Zell-"I KNEW IT!" Rinoa ran over to the now dead student and started doing something that no one could see.  
  
Me-"LOOKIE WHAT I DID! MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!"  
  
Student #2-"HEY! You're not in this story!"  
  
Me-"Listen. I wrote this story and I can be in it if I want!"  
  
Student #2-"No you can't!"  
  
Me-"Yes I can! And I can also 'mysteriously' kill you right now! So shut up!"  
  
Student #2-"Okay…"  
  
Me-"No where was I? OH YES!" A female student raised her hand.  
  
Student #3-"Is it just me or did Rinoa eat my boyfriend?" No one notices. "I THINK RINOA ATE MY BOYFRIEND!!" Everyone looks at Rinoa who has blood around her mouth.  
  
Rinoa-"It's kool-aid…I swear…"  
  
Squall-"Hey! I can teach you about cannibalism!" Squall jumps up and starts dancing and singing. "Cannibal! She eats humans just like that dude Hannibal!" Quistis smoothes her hair as she comes out of the desk, followed by Irvine who is zipping up his pants.  
  
Quistis-"Shut up Squall!"  
  
Selphie-"By order of Satan, if I am not excused I will be forced me to bite off a bat's head!"  
  
Rinoa-"And I'll bite off his head!"  
  
Student #…I can't remember…single digit numbers are too hard…-"NO!"  
  
Zell-"ENOUGH OF THE VIOLENCE!!!!"  
  
Seifer-"Hey chicken wuss!…Good idea!"  
  
Zell-"AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! HOW CAN YOU SPEAK OF CHICKENS LIKE THAT? THOSE POOR THINGS!"  
  
Selphie-"That's it! Give me a bat…or a chocobo!"  
  
Zell-"YOU FREAKS! Give peace a chance!" He ran out, crying once more. Seifer stood up.  
  
Seifer-"Come Parka Mafia! We must exit now to spread cheeriness through-out the lands!" Seifer Fujin and Rajin walked out, but not before trying to hug the still singing Squall.(Lot's of S's…try saying that five times fast…)  
  
Squall-Happiness! Can not live with out that happiness! Windmill! Windmill! Windmill"(Superstar moment…) Rinoa ran up to him and tried to chew on his hand while he was doing windmills. "WINDMILL!!!"  
  
Quistis-"God dammit this isn't working!"  
  
Irvine-"I say we help my grade again at your desk…"  
  
Quistis-"Maybe…" She looked around. "Selphie, drop the bat, Squall stop singing and Rinoa don't eat him. Now, get the fuck out of my classroom!" The three left, Squall still singing and dancing out. "Now for the rest of you. I hope you don't want to learn…cuz I refuse to teach…instead…ORGY!"  
  
  
Me-"Well that was the end of chapter one…I know I know…'thank god she shut up!' Flame me if you wish…this is not my best work but it is my first shot at a comedy…It's just my sick twisted humor. Oh, I forgot my disclaimer. I don't own FF8…but I do own the Parka Mafia! I'm Englishman…"  
  
Will-"HEY! I own the Parka Mafia! You took some of my ideas!"  
  
Me-"Blast! Foiled again! Well...review…I guess…be…nice? I'm writing more whether you like it or not…"  



	2. Cid, Nida, and Xu have...changed. I thin...

Me-Well it's me again…yep I still have to write more cuz I'm bored and I feel oh-so-very-special! So let's review shall we?  
  
Irvine is a pimp and Quistis is the local whore. Seifer Rajin and Fujin have become the Parka Mafia. Rinoa is a cannibal while Selphie has become a devil worshiping Goth.(I have nothing against Goths. My best friend is one and she does not believe in the devil) Squall believes lessons would be better if they were taught with a song and dance. And Zell has become a modern day hippie. That should be it…right? Oh no. I still have Nida…Xu…Edea…Cid…and some other peoples! Here we go again…PQT's dumb ass ideas. I'm forgetting something…OH YES! DISCLAIMER! I don't own FF8…but my social studies teacher has informed me that I own the air so stop breathing my air. IT'S MY AIR DAMMIT!  
  
Chapter two-Cid, Nida and Xu have…changed. I think I like Cid better…  
  
Zell stomped up into the Cafeteria up to the lunch lady.  
  
Zell-"I have a complaint!"  
  
C Lady-"Not enough hot dogs again?"  
  
Zell-"NO! I hate hot dogs! Do you know what's in them?" Zell read through an extremely detailed list of ingredients. "Anyway, I'm here to stop you from selling meat and start to sell good things! Like salad! And tofu!"  
  
C Lady-"…No."  
  
Zell-"Fine! You have forced me to go to the extreme!" Zell took out a pair of handcuffs and cuffed himself to the lunch bar, blocking the hot dogs and other meats. "EAT SALAD!! SCREW MEAT!"  
  
Student #1-"Will you move? I wanna eat!"  
  
Zell-"SAVE THE ANIMALS! SAVE THE TREES!" He sat on the ground. "I will sit here until this crap (this pains me…I love meat.) is replaced with vegetables!" Selphie sat in the corner, writing on the walls 'Come to the dark side! Satan is fun!'(Apparently I didn't hit her hard enough…) Rinoa came in and walked over to the lunch lady.  
  
Rinoa-"Do you have any…human parts?"  
  
C Lady-"Sorry. We're out. Try next time."  
  
Rinoa-"Alright…you'll have to do!" Rinoa looked over at Selphie. "Selphie!" Selphie ran over as Rinoa whispered something into Selphie's ear. "…NOW!" Selphie jumped onto the lunch lady and ruthlessly started stabbing her.  
  
Selphie-"DIE BITCH, DIE!" As soon as the lunch lady was dead, Selphie raised her knife and screamed. "I SACRIFICE PEOPLE…FOR SATAN!"  
  
Rinoa-"Thank you Selphie!" Rinoa took Selphie's place and began…*shudder* eating her. Squall entered, singing once again.  
  
Squall-"Come on everyone! Let's do the cha-cha!"  
  
Student #92-"Damn he's annoying…I liked it better when he didn't talk…"  
  
Student #H-"Amen to that brotha!"  
  
Student #92-"…Shut up…" Cid entered the now crazed Cafeteria. Come on, take a look around! Squall was cha-chaing with himself, Selphie was trying to get a few more sacrifices, Rinoa was…feeding and Zell was protesting against meat. What is this world coming too?…Then again why would you people let me write crap like this?  
  
Cid-"ATTENTION EVERYONE!" He had a strange Mexican accent… "I've got any drug ya want right here…got ya your coke…some ecstasy…and pot…and heroin…and hashes(I know that's not spelled right but I'm a dum ass who can't speal a ting…I make joke in English!…it's pretty sad when I speak English and I feel special when I speak it good…)…and horse tranquilizers…(Brain Candy moment…)" Almost every student gathered around while Irvine and Quistis walked in, counting the fistfuls of money they had.  
  
Quistis-"Another day's work well done.."  
  
Irvine-"…Again." The two looked around. "Cid's selling drugs again…wanna go buy some?"  
  
Quistis-"Yeah! Then we can do it again!"  
  
Irvine-"I love the way you think…"  
  
Me-" Ya know what I noticed…I tend to get off topic very easily…like this one time in band camp…"  
  
Student # Duck…buck…luck…fuck…must I continue?-"Shut up!"  
  
Fujin Rajin and Seifer enter.  
  
Seifer-"The Parka Mafia is here! I am Badger!"  
  
Rajin-"I am Mop, ya know!"  
  
Fujin-"I'M ENGLISHMAN!"  
  
Me-"Quick note. Not too long ago a gang vandalized our park and wrote names like "Weasel" "Hoover" and "Dutch-guy" And then, the Parka Mafia was born!"  
  
Zell-"Save animals! Peace to all!"  
  
Seifer-"HEY YOU!" A student cringes, excepting the usually insults and attacks from the three. "Did you loose some weight?"  
  
Student-"…Maybe?"  
  
Fujin-"LOOKIN GOOD…"  
  
Student-"I get it now! You just want me to like you! I'lll hang out with you and then you'll kill me for my insurance money!"  
  
Rajin-"That's not like us at all. If we do kill ya, it'll be with kindness. If you want someone to take your insurance money, go see her." They look over and see my friend…Jerry.  
  
Jerry-"Marry me! I need money for pot! I won't kill you for your insurance money…I swear!"  
  
Me-"Give it up Jerry…it's useless. Just kill your mom."  
  
Jerry-"No…she's broke." An old man with a diamond about the size of my fist walked by. "Hey! He's old and desperate and looks rich! COME BACK!"  
  
Rinoa started walking over to Cid and bumped into a girl.  
  
Rinoa-"Sorry…are you new here?"  
  
???-"No…do you remember me?" Rinoa shook her head. "It's Nida! Yeah. I think men are stupid and sexist so I became a woman. If you see a new guy, it's Xu. She is meeting me here. We are dating. She my new boyfriend."  
  
Rinoa-"I have a question! Can you cut off your little toe? No one needs it and I'm hungry as hell!"  
  
Nida-"Okay hold on!" He turned…or she…whatever he/she is turned to Selphie. "Selphie. Can I borrow your knife?"  
  
Selphie-"NO!"  
  
Nida-"Fine…can you cut off my toe?"  
  
Selphie-"…Okay." She leaned down and…I'll spare you the details. A minute later, Nida was limping away and Rinoa was satisfied.  
  
Me-"I'm tired and I can't think of anything else to write so…REVIEW. Next chapter will be up when I decide to think."  
  
Jerry-"Don't count on a next chapter. You see, PQT doesn't think. So just review and make her feel special."  



End file.
